Scott Adams: In his own words
One of my hobbies is reading the rave reviews printed on DVD packages and trying to figure out which ones are not credible. I’m getting good at it. Here are some surefire ways to know a movie review is less than credible. 1. The only rave review on the package…
Read MoreI love hearing stories about illiterate people who managed to bluff so well that they became successful business owners without anyone being the wiser. That takes some serious acting skills. But the best part is that in the process of bluffing, you probably end up looking like the best boss…
Read MoreMy temporary home, a rented apartment, has its largest window facing other apartments across the courtyard. When I first moved in, I was careful to keep the blinds closed so as not to display my naughty parts as I pranced to the shower and back. (Yes, I prance. There’s nothing…
Read MoreFirst, those of you who aren’t seeing the humor in what’s happening on my blog with this topic don’t understand the Dogbert way. That’s all I’m saying. Wag!!! … Second, allow me to restate that I DON’T believe in Intelligent Design. I’m just fascinated with what the topic does to otherwise…
Read MoreAccording to the news, former FEMA head Michael Brown is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm. Readers of Dilbert could have predicted this. If you’re infamous for being slow to act, your best bet is a job that bills by the hour. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he…
Read MoreIt’s 8 am, Saturday, Pacific Time, and I need help writing one line of Dilbert dialog. Dilbert is at a sales call explaining how his company’s product fits with the technology of the other company. I need one realistic sounding sentence that Dilbert would utter that is mind-numbingly technical and…
Read MoreI just read that President Bush is the first SITTING American President to visit Mongolia. I think I know why. I’ve never been to Mongolia, but when I imagine it, there are rarely chairs. I imagine rugged terrain, livestock, and festive outfits that, if they were smaller, would look terrific…
Read MoreIf you’ve been reading my blog, you know that last week was about as pleasant for me as (pick one): a. using a rabid porcupine to loofah. b. having a head that looks exactly like a soccer ball and living in Brazil. c. being Darth Vader about an hour before…
Read MoreThe toughest part about being a cartoonist is that every now and then I accidentally kill people. I claimed my first victim in the mid 90s, after an author put his name on a chapter from one of my books and submitted it to a magazine. During the ensuing legal…
Read MoreA few days ago I invited the readers of my blog to tell me why I’m stupid. The results are in. If you are new to the Internet, allow me to explain how to debate in this medium. When one person makes any kind of statement, all you need to…
Read MoreThe fun thing about having surgery to correct a deviated septum is that you get to see so many new things. Not right away, of course. After the surgery it’s annoying that you can’t get oxygen through your nose, making it impossible to sleep for several days. But later, after…
Read MoreI spend a lot of time thinking about new ways to torture terrorists. It’s like a hobby. The objective is to think up a form of torture that’s effective but doesn’t sound so bad when the rest of the world finds out you did it. It occurred to me recently…
Read MoreWell, it’s official. A jury decided that actor Robert Blake “kinda killed” his wife and ordered him to pay the family 30 million dollars. This is eight months after another jury decided that he “didn’t definitely kill” his wife and so the state shouldn’t “probably kill blake” in return. Blake…
Read MoreFor some mysteriously reason my post about the free e-book of God’s Debris just deleted itself. Coincidence or conspiracy? You decide. I’m pasting this from the Dilbert Newsletter for now in case anyone missed it. … FREE GOD’S DEBRIS E-BOOK … Click below to download your free copy, in pdf format….
Read MoreThe other day I was doing some grocery shopping and picked up a case of bottled water. A woman who evidently works for a competing bottled water company noticed my choice and insisted on knowing why I wasn’t picking her lower priced water instead. The clear inference was that I’m…
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