Month: December 2005

In an earlier post I taught you my formula for humor. I also taught you how to dance. And I taught you the meaning of life. I hope you didn’t miss that last one. The only thing left is teaching you fashion. Fashion is essentially dressing in a way that…

Several of you asked about the sequel to God’s Debris. It’s called The Religion War, and here’s a link to Amazon.com if you want to get it there: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0740747886/103-2907226-8156634?n=283155 That clickable link is also included at the end of God’s Debris. Scott

Several years ago I found myself nutsack deep in flaming e-mails for my prediction that illegal downloads of music would lead to lower sales of CDs. It seemed obvious to me, but scores of illegal music downloaders and self-proclaimed marketing geniuses argued vehemently that these “free samples” would lead to…

Have you noticed that people become incredibly angry every December? My e-mail and blog comments become a flaming cesspool at this time of year, and by that I mean more than usual. I delete the worst blog comments that are just personal attacks. Believe me, there are a lot of…

With all the debate about Intelligent Design, I started to wonder if intelligence is overrated. In particular, are intelligent people happier than unintelligent people? If you were to rank the following two hypothetical individuals by happiness, what order would you put them in? Dentists are generally pretty smart and they…

All things considered, being clever is better than being dense. But cleverness has its downside. For one thing, no one believes a clever person. I spend about half of my day explaining to people that I’m not hatching a plot. You’d be amazed how often I have to say one…

I asked my fiancée what she wants for Christmas and she was nice enough to e-mail me a specific suggestion for a hard-to-find item. I copied the product name from her e-mail, pasted it into the Froogle search engine, and found the cheapest one on the Internet. That took about…

Last night I dreamed that someone gave me a tiny goat. It was about the size of a Chihuahua, with fur like a poodle. It purred when I picked it up and held it. And it never needed to eat, poop, or pee. It didn’t bark, bleet, howl or damage…

Thank you all for playing my caption contest yesterday. Your suggestions tended to group around the themes of urine, oranges, squirting lemon juice in eyes, rubbing lemon juice in wounds, and chucking lemons at people. These were all worthy attempts that followed the 2 of 6 humor rule that I…

The Dilbert Blog has been nominated in the Best Humor/Comics category for the 2005 Weblog Awards.  There’s no money in blogging, so I’m only in it for the awards. Please vote for The Dilbert Blog here: http://weblogawards.org/2005/12/best_humorcomics_blog.php [no longer available] I’m told you can vote once per 24 hours. Thank…

There was a time when I considered writing a self help book. But then I realized it’s logically impossible. If you think about it, a self help book is really just an author trying to help your sorry ass. It’s not as if you wrote the book yourself. It’s not…