Scott Adams: In his own words
Last night I was out with friends, and we realized that almost anyone can be funny by inventing famous last words. To test this hypothesis, allow me to prime the pump and then see what you can come up with. FAMOUS LAST WORDS: – You have a secret room under…
Read MoreI love “near jokes.” These are jokes that don’t make sense, yet are close enough to making sense that your brain experiences a weird little sensation, simultaneously pleasant and uncomfortable. It’s like being tickled until you fart. For example, I saw this story about a fight breaking out at the…
Read MoreDid you hear that the cremated ashes of the actor who played Scotty on Star Trek are lost? Apparently the rocket carrying them into space ended up in some forest. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18594384/?GT1=9951 [no longer available] I know you probably had the same first thought I did: Frickin’ Romulans! The rocket carrying…
Read MoreThe other day my BlackBerry alarm went off at 5 AM, as usual. For some reason I was abnormally tired so I stayed in bed another hour. At 6 AM I popped out of bed, walked across the street to my office and started my workday. After an hour or…
Read MoreWhen I try to imagine an ideal government, it looks a lot like the government of Taiwan. First, they’re democratic. That’s a good start. But the best part is that they have Jerry Springer-like fights in parliament on a regular basis. In today’s news, yet another brawl broke out in…
Read MoreI can often predict a person’s destiny by his or her appearance. For example, if a regular photograph of you looks exactly like a DUI mug shot, the police will eventually arrest you. Here’s a perfect example: http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=261203>1=7703 [no longer available] I can also tell by your weight whether you…
Read MoreHow old is too old for a president? Candidate John McCain will be 72 by the time of the election. The worst case scenario is that he gets elected, does a good job, and gets reelected. He’ll be 80 by the end of his second term. Imagine you’re a presidential…
Read MoreIn my recent post about Queen Elizabeth’s visit to America, I inadvertently sparked a mini-debate about WWII. I call that fun. Winning WWII was the ultimate joint effort. But if you go to school in America, you graduate with the impression that the United States was 90% of that victory….
Read MoreQueen Elizabeth is coming to America for a little visit. Apparently we Americans have our panties in bunches trying to figure out the proper protocols. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18445710/ [no longer available] Luckily for you, I’m here to help. I’m not an “expert” in royal protocol, but most of this stuff is common…
Read MoreOne of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It’s a wonderful feeling. That’s why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn’t easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can’t always duck. For…
Read MoreThere’s a funky little spider in Brazil. Its venom gives male victims hours-long erections. How cool is that? http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,269455,00.html Apparently the spider’s venom doesn’t kill. It just causes pain and gives guys major erections. In other words: best. . . practical. . . joke. . . ever. I wonder if…
Read MoreIn the news, a groom in India showed up drunk, so the villagers chased him away and replaced him with his “more sober” little brother. Problem solved. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18389704/ [no longer available] This is the sort of news that desperately needs some pictures. Otherwise you can’t tell who won. For example,…
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