Month: July 2007

Today I read an article that said nutrition might influence the ability of children with ADHD to concentrate. Might? That’s like putting soup in your lawn mower and discovering that it might not cut grass. Every parent knows that if you want to prevent a kid from tracking dirt on…

The Pope’s Handlers I assume the pope has handlers, like any other leader, but with cooler titles. Imagine how hard it would be to handle the pope. How do you offer advice to a guy whose other advisor is The Almighty? I was thinking about this problem after seeing a…

Writing Funny Today I will teach you how to write funny. I will be referring to my earlier post about the world’s tallest man. Read that one first, two posts below, if you haven’t already. Picking a Topic——————- The topic does half of your work. I look for topics that…

Just when I was losing all faith in our elected leaders, a little ray of sunshine caught my attention. Florida Representative Bob Allen was arrested for allegedly offering one of his constituents $20 and a blow job. Unfortunately for Bob, that constituent happened to be an undercover cop in a…

Just when I was losing all faith in our elected leaders, a little ray of sunshine caught my attention. Florida Representative Bob Allen was arrested for allegedly offering one of his constituents $20 and a blow job. Unfortunately for Bob, that constituent happened to be an undercover cop in a…

In the news, a 7-foot-9 Mongolian herdsman (there’s only one of them) married a woman who is 5-foot-6. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19727485/?GT1=10150 [no longer available] This is the sort of story that raises all sorts of inappropriate questions. Not more questions than, say, the conjoined twins with two heads and one vagina, but…

Warren Buffet says the rich aren’t being taxed enough. That’s an impossible-to-solve problem as long as rich people control the government. Or is it? I got my MBA from the University of California at Berkeley. I will now make them proud by showing you the most important thing I remember…

One of the hardest parts of my job is figuring out what other people will think is funny. You’d think that would be easy, but my own sense of humor is far from the mainstream. I can’t assume others will laugh at the same things I find funny. In 1988,…

All of the major candidates for president of the United States are qualified. They know the issues. They’re smart. They’ve all shown leadership, and they obviously know politics. But which one is luckiest? I want the luckiest person as my president. That’s what I liked about Bill Clinton and Ronald…

Let’s say your spouse decides to cook you an extra special meal. It’s your favorite. It takes him/her a lot of work. You enjoy the meal and naturally offer to do the cleaning up by yourself. But here’s the kicker: Your spouse loves to cook, and you hate to clean…

Let’s try a little experiment. I want you to think of one successful person. It can be anyone, famous or family member. Make sure you have just the one successful person in mind. Now concentrate on the first letter of that person’s last name. Good. I’ll do the rest. I…

In the news, a man named True is suing a company for allegedly lying. Meanwhile, a woman named Sage is trying to wisely explain why it’s not so much a lie as an expression of an unlikely event that some people interpret as a likely event, thus effectively lying to…

This isn’t my real post for today. That’s coming later. I just had to recognize how funny the comments are to yesterday’s post, where I asked you to describe your job with one humorous sentence. Some of them are pretty terrific, and I confess laughing every time the word “turd”…

When I was a kid, my family doctor was a hypnotist. He hypnotized my mom before she gave birth to my little sister. Mom reports that she felt no discomfort during the birth, despite being awake and having no drugs. That story had a big impact on me. When I…