I just read that President Bush is the first SITTING American President to visit Mongolia. I think I know why. I’ve never been to Mongolia, but when I imagine it, there are rarely chairs. I imagine rugged terrain, livestock, and festive outfits that, if they were smaller, would look terrific on my cat. And I see hordes of people who would like to sit down, but they don’t have a good place to do it. That’s no place for a sitting President.
In the old days, this restlessness probably caused the Mongols to invade neighboring countries looking for a warm, dry spot to relax and put their feet up. It’s a little known fact that the name Ghengis Khan means “I’m serious man, I need a chair.” But these days, thanks to IKEA, the Mongolians no longer need to stun a yak to find a seat that won’t move.
The President of Mongolia is Nambariin Enkhbayar. That would be reason enough for other world leaders to avoid Mongolia. Because at some point you have to do the joint press conference where you tell everyone you had a “productive and frank” talk, and you’d be obliged to mention his name. I’d be all:
“Thank you for inviting me to your country. . . um. . . Nambla Monkeybar. I mean Nimble Anklebracelet. Oh hell, you don’t have nukes yet do you? Good. I’ll call you Mongo.”
And at that point there’d be no hope that anyone would offer me a yak to sit on.