I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of celebrities who have two trials for every one alleged homicide or molestation. First there’s the criminal trial, where the jury inevitably acquits him because of the high burden of reasonable doubt. Then there’s the civil trial and its lower burden of proof where the families of the victims try to make some cash out of the deal. Two trials for the same crime. Jeeeeez.
You and I are paying for this redundancy with our tax dollars! I say we band together as concerned (and cheap) citizens and change the law so that one trial handles the whole shebang. It’s easy, really. All you’d need to change is the verdict options. For example, juries could have the following choices:
Verdict Sentence
100% Guilty Kill him in a highly
entertaining fashion and
give all of his stuff to
the victim’s family.
Probably Guilty Just give his money to the victim’s family.
Slight Chance Set him free to date women who
He’s Guilty have inexplicably bad judgment.
0% Guilty Execute the prosecuting attorney
It’s the last one that’s the real money saver. Before long, you’d weed out the prosecutors who really shouldn’t be in those jobs wasting our tax dollars anyway. It’s not a crime to attempt sending obviously innocent people to jail, but it should be. My plan would right that wrong too.
If my proposal doesn’t convince you to vote for me in the next presidential election, I can only assume you don’t make those decisions based on the issues.