As more U.S. presidential wannabes slither into the race, I realize that flip-flopping season has officially opened.
For those of you who do not follow politics, flip-flopping is what happens when an intelligent person revises his opinion because the situation changes or new information becomes available. Flip-flopping goes by many other names including: rational behavior, thinking, and not being a frickin’ idiot. No one wants that sort of loser to have the nuclear codes.
The typical voter says to himself, “If a candidate goes off and starts using information and reason to make decisions, there’s no chance he’s going to agree with me.” No one wants that.
The other thing you don’t want your politicians to do is make their decisions based on the polls. The last thing we need is a bunch of politicians that suddenly start caring about what the (other) voters want. Voters prefer that the politicians take our tax money and use it in ways that hurt the majority, so long as it is not flip-floppy.
Normally I don’t vote. I figure that by voting, all I’d do is lose an hour of my life and add some randomness to the process. But this year is different. I have it on good authority that if I vote for Barak Obama – a semi-African-American man – I will feel good about myself for being open-minded. I can even brag about it to my friends and get an additional tingly feeling for not mentioning his race. I’ll just say, “I voted for Obama” and then bask in the knowledge that I am a progressive color-blind citizen. I won’t tell people that I should be their role model, but I think it will be obvious.
I’m also tempted to vote for Hillary Clinton, but for different selfish reasons. If Hillary gets elected, once again we can watch fascinating news stories about her husband’s genitalia and where it’s been. That topic is somewhat out of bounds now, since he’s merely a senate spouse. But if he becomes First Husband, he’s going to be back trolling the Whitehouse. And how can that not entertain us?
From an entertainment and feel-good perspective, my dream ticket would be Hillary Clinton for President and Barak Obama for vice president. Something tells me that the media – who ultimately chooses all of our leaders – will see it the same way. So I am going to flip-flop on my earlier prediction of a Joe Biden presidency (he’s too boring) and predict a Clinton/Obama administration.
Hey, I just realized I’m already feeling good just by predicting it!