I like to stay at whatever hotel is nearest the place I need to be. Sometimes that’s a 4-star luxury hotel. Sometimes – such as today – it’s more of a “what’s a star?” situation. My first clue that this isn’t the Bellagio presented itself when I called ahead to make sure they would hold my room if I checked in after 11 pm.
“That’s no problem. Our office closes at eleven, but I’ll just leave your room unlocked and the key on the bed.”
And they did. That method worked surprisingly well, although there’s always that tense first moment when you open the door and wonder how many hobos have already used the bed before you got there.
The room itself is about the size of the bed plus a generous allowance of leg room for people who do not have thick legs. I decided to go light on the continental breakfast available in the lobby across the courtyard because I’m only a few ounces of leg weight from being trapped between the bed and the wall.
The room’s decorating scheme is best described as “grandma’s jail cell.” The furniture makes a statement. And that statement is “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.”
Somehow the decorators have managed to capture the feeling of claustrophobia, old age, and correctional facility all in one.
As I brushed my teeth, I couldn’t help staring at the tile behind the sink that has separated from the wall and is waiting for the next large truck to drive by outside before it completes its journey to the top of my foot.
The television is made by a company called Daewoo. I’m guessing that’s a Korean company. Possibly North Korea. It looks hungry yet oddly belligerent.
The heating and cooling unit is inexplicably located on the wall just below the ceiling line. It’s operated by a remote. I didn’t understand this arrangement until I tried to use the remote and it didn’t work. Or at least I couldn’t figure it out.
Allow me to digress for a moment. Is there any real reason that your thermostat needs to have a setting for both “heat” and “cool” and ALSO a place to set your preferred temperature? Why the @$!& can’t I just put it on the temperature I want and let the frickin’ thermostat decide on its own whether it needs to make me warmer or colder to achieve that goal? Is that so hard?
Sorry. I had to get that out.
Anyway, after putting on my winter coat inside my hotel room, on the coldest day of the year (It’s about 30 degrees in California) and fussing endlessy with the remote control to no avail, it all became clear. They put the heating and cooling unit up by the ceiling so you won’t beat it to pieces with grandma’s furniture.
The blanket on my bed has the most fascinating huge stain in the center. It does not have irregular edges like you would expect from a spill or a spooge. It has perfectly straight edges, as if someone left the iron on the bed. Normally I wouldn’t think anyone was dumb enough to leave a hot iron on a bed, but if this place has “regulars” then it’s safe to say that they might.
I have to go get my voice fixed now.