Yesterday, for the sixth time in the past year, a refrigerator repairman tried, and failed, to fix my ice dispenser. Four different repair guys from the company that manufactured the fridge have had a go at it. They diagnose the problem. They order parts. They install the parts. The ice dispenser does not dispense ice. I’m thinking of changing its name from “ice dispenser” to “the thing that gives me false hope of ice.”
Today I saw in the news that scientists have discovered chimps in the jungle making spears to hunt. That’s right – chimps are making tools and successfully using them. THOSE FRICKIN’ CHIMPS ARE CLOSING THE GAP!
I hate to say bad things about my own species, but I’m sure those tool-using chimps are fully qualified to visit my home six times and not repair my ice dispenser. And none of those chimps would suggest that I buy an extended warranty. That’s a big plus for the chimps.
Arthur C. Clark famously said, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” But in my house, any sufficiently advanced technology is broken, and no one knows how to fix it. I think we humans have hit the wall when it comes to using tools. I don’t mean to worry you, but somewhere, in a distant jungle, there’s a chimp chewing on a stick and making a Phillips screwdriver.
The spear-making chimps were spotted using their weapons to skewer creatures called bushbabies. Bushbabies are tiny, impossibly cute primates, with large sad eyes, that nap in the hollows of trees. They are named bushbabies because they cry like babies. Only the female chimps make spears and stab these adorable little bushbabies. The male chimps go off hunting by themselves, probably to get away from the female chimps, who – as you can see – are crazy bitches.
“Honey, I’m going off to hunt by myself. Have fun stabbing the bushbabies with spears.”