Did you see the story about the chimp in a Louisiana sanctuary that got pregnant even though all the male chimps have had vasectomies?
http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/01/17/pregnant.chimp.ap/index.html [no longer available]
My first thought was that the groundskeeper has been tapping the chimps. But I have been told on good authority that humans cannot impregnate chimpanzees no matter how vigorously they try. This creates an entirely new mystery, i.e. why aren’t more humans tapping more chimps?
Your first thought might be that chimps are not human. But neither are inflatable women and other sex toys. If you think a drunken guy in his twenties would be dissuaded by the facts that his sex partner isn’t a human being, you might be a woman.
Your second thought might be that chimps are unattractive. But walk down any sidewalk in America and take a good look at the competition. I’m not saying a chimp would win any beauty contests. But if you shaved and powdered the chimp, and gave it a wig and some makeup, it would be prettier than half of the people you work with. All I’m saying is that it would be competitive.
You might argue that having sex with a chimp would be dangerous. Chimps are both strong and unpredictable. For many guys, these disadvantages would be outweighed by the fact that chimps don’t talk while you’re trying to watch the Superbowl. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.
The chimp sanctuary in the story is a home for chimps that are no longer needed for laboratory research. They are supposed to be living out their retirement years eating bananas and having casual sex with no responsibility. So my other theory about the mysterious pregnancy is that it had something to do with those lab experiments.
There’s no word on what those experiments involved. Maybe the scientists had an extra primate penis lying around and sewed it onto the back of some chimp’s head just to see what it looked like. Perhaps the doctors missed that one when they were doing the vasectomies. I can hear the chatter in the animal hospital:
Doctor: “I’ve finished the vasectomies on Brownie, Coco, and Grey Beard. Who’s left?”
Nurse: “Just Limpy and Dickhead.”