I spend a lot of time sitting around thinking about conspiracy theories. I especially like the notion that somewhere there’s a secret group of ultra rich people controlling the governments of the world. This pleases me in several ways. First, I imagine that their naked self-interest combined with their experience and intelligence would result in the world running fairly smoothly compared to letting elected officials make real decisions. When I look at our elected officials, I can’t figure out why things are running as well as they are. It just doesn’t square. This observation feeds my conspiracy theory nicely.
Secondly, I like the notion of a secret world-controlling society because I’d like to run the world myself someday and running for elections seems like a bother. In my fantasy it turns out that the secret society of world-controllers are all Dilbert fans and they invite me into their inner sanctum just so they’ll get to see the comic before it’s published. Once on the inside I have access to a huge control room where I can push buttons and cause natural disasters, flag people for tax audits, and that sort of thing.
I first started thinking about conspiracies when I noticed that there’s rarely any news happening on weekends and holidays. That can’t be a coincidence. The secret society is obviously controlling every corner of the media. They’re probably even checking blogs to make sure that no one