Over the past 15 years I have received amongst my bit-piles of appreciative fan e-mail approximately one per week saying in effect, “You used to be funny. But something has gone horribly wrong.” This e-mail, written by a different person each time, is long, and passionate, and often detailed in its argument. These helpful critics make it clear that their tough love is intended to snap me out of whatever steaming hole of mediocrity I have shoved my head so that I can get back to my past ways of excellence.
100% of these e-mails are from males who seem – based on their well-written letters – above average in intelligence. That’s 780 nearly identical messages from men, and zero of this type from women. I call it the Helpful Critical Guy Syndrome, HCGS for short.
I recognize this syndrome because I have it myself. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought – quite seriously – that if I could just sit down with this-or-that famous person for about 20 minutes I could “straighten everything out.” Rarely does it occur to me that my thorough lack of knowledge about the subject matter is a handicap. I fantasize that what matters most is the incredibly succinct and Mark Twainish way that I explain my suggestion, i.e. “If you want to end world hunger, you have to give people food.” I realize it doesn’t sound all that persuasive here, but I imagine that when I say it in the Oval Office, I come up with better phrasing that makes all the difference.
It’s time to try this at home. Imagine you are giving some important advice to President Bush about a world problem of your choice. You have a maximum of two sentences to sum up your argument in an unforgettable and folksy way. Example: “Remember, Mr. President, you can’t kill an idea, but an idea can kill you.”
Go.