I wonder how much it would cost to have my own army composed of third world mercenaries. I’d want them as more of a status symbol than a fighting force. Obviously I’d have to hire my soldiers from a country where the annual wage is $1.25, otherwise it gets expensive. And they’d have to stay in that country. I’d outsource the whole project.
My army’s only duty would be to march in formation several times a day and shout songs about my glory. The whole thing would probably cost me less than a few thousand per year. And for that modest sum, I’d have a cool answer every time someone said to me “You and whose army?” I’d have pictures of my army in my wallet and just whip them out. Then I’d say something like “Here’s the 101 Infantry Division. This fellow on the end, Gbernak, he can swim. He’s my amphibious landing force.”
I would lend my army to multinational peacekeeping forces whenever it was hard to get a coalition. It would be funny to watch President Bush explain who was joining the next coalition. “Well, our coalition is growing. So far we have the United States… and Puerto Rico… I think Hawaii is on board. Japan is sending some bandages. And of course we have the Army of Scott Adams. They spend most of the day hiding, but we’re sure they’re with us.”