Do you ever wonder how much of the news is nothing but an inside joke? The other day I was reading an AP story about how hot it was in Chicago. The heat was a particular problem for the Gay Games VII because they expected a lot of heat exhaustion issues. The paragraph that made me scratch my head was this one:
“Chicago hit 94 by 3 p.m., but it didn’t bother Frank Lee of Manoa, Hawaii, who was competing in the event’s tennis matches and planned to drink plenty of water and eat bananas.”
I have to wonder if the reporter just kept asking questions until the gay athlete said something naughty-sounding. Notice that Mr. Lee’s thoughts weren’t put in quotes, which makes me think the exchange went something like this:
Reporter: How do you plan to deal with the heat?
Gay Athlete: I’ll probably drink lots of water.
Reporter: Will you eat any fruit (hee hee!)
Gay Athlete: No, I had a big breakfast. I’ll just need water.
Reporter: How about a huge zucchini? Does that interest you?
Gay Athlete: Um, no. I’m not really hungry.
Reporter: Do you know that bananas are good for you when you exercise?
Gay Athlete: I suppose.
Reporter: So if someone offers you a banana (hee hee!) will you take it?
Gay Athlete: I guess the potassium would be…
Reporter: That’s all I need. Good bye.
I have some sympathy for the reporter whose job it is to write about the weather for the benefit of people who can’t tell that it’s hot outside. The Pulitzer Prize committee isn’t impressed by that sort of thing. Apparently no one had yet died in the heat wave so there weren’t any good stories about how grandma’s body melted and stuck to the linoleum.
The only way to spice up a story that has all the drama of “it is hot” is by adding gratuitous controversial elements. Luckily the Gay Games were happening. Otherwise the reporter would have had to look all over the city for a Planned Parenthood clinic with a broken air conditioner, or an anti-fur protest where everyone was naked and forgot sunscreen.
By the way, I can predict the news for the next 30 days:
1. It is hot!
2. There’s trouble in the Middle East!
3. The stock market is down, just like every summer!
4. Cars that will never come to market get great mileage!
5. Osama is still hiding!
But I’m just guessing.