Serious drinkers prefer to stay off the road on New Year’s Eve, sometimes calling it “Amateur Night.” I am reminded of that witticism as I watch the debate about whether Pluto is a real planet or a dwarf planet.
To a professional humorist there is nothing more painful than a news story that demands an obvious joke. The amateurs pile on and it gets ugly fast. Example:
“If Pluto isn’t a planet, that’s Goofy! HAHAHAHAHAHA-SNORT!”
“Pluto isn’t a planet – he’s a DOG! WHAAHAHAAHAHAAA!!!”
“Pluto is a dwarf? I guess Disney put him in the wrong cartoon! HOOHAAHAHAHAHA!!!”
You see? Painful.
At the recent nerdfest where it was decided Pluto wasn’t a real planet, one of the scientists held up a stuffed Pluto (the Walt Disney kind) and an umbrella and wittily pointed out that Pluto was under the umbrella of planets that include “dwarf planets.” The scientists all laughed and snorted and wondered why they don’t get laid more often.
Call me old fashioned, but I don’t think Pluto should be the funniest planet – or even the funniest non-planet. That distinction belongs to another. Uranus, 8th celestial body from the sun, is part miracle of gravity and part bung hole. It has earned its status as the funny man of the cosmos.
Despite anything you have heard, Uranus is not a black hole and there are no Klingons circling it. Nor does it have Venus envy. It is simply the funniest of all planets, be they dwarf or regular. Some things should never change.
Unlike Pluto, I believe there is life on the one true funny planet. I believe there are primates and I believe they have evolved the power of flight. But you probably won’t believe that until winged monkeys fly out of Uranus.
Amateurs, please stay off the road.