I was watching the news the other day when I see that yet another husband is suspected of killing yet another wife who has gone missing. It’s pretty much automatic to suspect the husband in cases like this. This is one of the factors I had not considered before getting married.
Now every time my wife is 15 minutes late returning from some errand, I start planning my alibi. I take a digital picture of myself standing in front of a live newscast, or I start making phone calls to my mother – that sort of thing.
The worst case scenario is that she drives her car into a ravine and no one finds the remains until I’ve already been in jail 30 years. That’s why I always encourage her to take the freeway. “Remember, no winding mountain roads, honey!”
The most disturbing part of this “husband did it” phenomenon is that there’s always a motive. I’m still in the newlywed phase, but it’s disconcerting to know that it’s only a matter of time before every casual onlooker assumes that if one of us disappears, the other one had a perfectly good reason to commit murder. It’s not much of an endorsement of marriage.
I’m in Las Vegas today and wasn’t going to blog, but my wife has been in the bathroom for way too long and I need an alibi just in case something goes wrong in there. Note how calm I seem to be while I write this. You might be called as my character witness.