One of the cool things about being an optimist is that quite often I believe I have come up with an idea that will change the world. This is a wonderful feeling that lasts from the moment I think of the idea until the moment I realize I’m full of shit. That’s why I often keep my best ideas to myself. That way I can savor their splendidness longer, free from the brutality of reason and information. But ultimately I must set each idea free, so that it might take wing for about a minute and a half before someone shoots it like skeet and stomps on it with a manure-scented boot.
And so it is with the idea that will follow. Its brilliance has illuminated me from within for a few years. Sometimes I just think about it and it keeps me warm. But now it is time. Prepare your boots.
I remember reading the wisdom of some fitness expert who said, “Sometimes you think you’re tired but you’re really thirsty.” The idea is that dehydration makes you feel sluggish. For some reason I had never noticed the correlation. Since then I have confirmed that it’s true. Often I can replenish my energy just by drinking water. The funny part is that somehow I had never noticed this on my own. How could I be so ignorant of my own body?
I also used to have a huge problem of getting sleepy in the afternoon. I always assumed it was for the obvious reason – I was tired. I work hard, don’t sleep enough, end of story. But one day I read that carbs make you sleepy. So I started avoiding any serious carbs until dinner time. Result: I almost never get tired in the afternoon. I admit that this seems too easy to be true, especially since I never noticed the correlation until a few years ago. So I test it occasionally just to see if I’m imagining it. Yesterday I couldn’t resist and ate some leftover Indian food with white rice for lunch. By 2 pm I was in a virtual coma.
With those two examples as your context, I give you my insight that will change the world (or get crushed by a manure-scented boot):
Sometimes you think you’re unhappy, but you’re really tired.
On some level you know there’s at least a LITTLE truth to this. It’s easier to be happy when you’re full of energy. And being tired makes you cranky. That’s obvious. But my observation goes further to say that it’s an almost complete correlation. Virtually all unhappiness is caused by a lack of energy. This is opposite the common view that unhappiness is what makes you all listless and droopy.
Since I first had this thought I’ve been monitoring my own moods. Sure enough, any time I’m cranky, I’m also feeling low on energy. But if I force myself to work out, hydrate, and eat some protein, my mood always improves. It works every time. Energy = happy.
I often hear people say they can’t get out of bed because they are depressed. They’re stuck in a vicious cycle. Staying in bed saps your energy, which makes you feel bad, which makes you stay in bed. So I wonder what would happen to a clinically depressed person if a doctor just gave him speed. I think he’d get happy(er) fast.
If my splendid idea has any merit, it means that instead of treating mood problems with Prozac and whatnot, you can just treat the energy level with exercise and diet and coffee. And if that doesn’t work, try speed. Once the energy problem is solved, the mood follows.
Disclaimer: If you are unhappy, do not take speed. I am not a doctor.
Before you stomp on my splendid idea, ask yourself this: Have you ever been unhappy and full of energy at the same time?
Don’t count any time where the unhappiness is triggered by some specific event, such as a break up or getting fired. In those cases you sometimes get lots of energy because you’re also angry. I’m only talking about the generic “crappy mood” sort of sad that doesn’t seem to be caused by anything specific. Have you ever been full of energy when you felt that way?
Lastly, I think overweight people get their energy (and therefore happiness) from eating. Food always wakes you up, at least while you eat it. Thin, athletic people get energy (and therefore happiness) from exercise. Stay away from any thin people over the age of 35 who don’t exercise and aren’t taking some sort of drug (nicotine, speed, etc.) Those people are probably very unhappy and don’t know why. It’s only a matter of time before they blame you.