In today’s Dilbert comic (12-8-06), Dilbert uses the expletive “frack.” As fans of the excellent TV drama Battlestar Galactica know, the crew of Galactica yell “frack” several times per episode as a substitute for the other f-word.
Galactica is a military ship under continuous threat of annihilation by Cylons. If you were on that ship, you’d be cursing too. For example, you might be tempted to yell “frack!” when you discover that the hot chick who fracked your brains out is actually a frackin’ Cylon who is now pregnant with your frackin’ baby that is half human and half frackin’ toaster.
When I first heard the battle-toughened military crew of Galactica yelling “frack” it was like listening to Christian-themed hip-hop. It was just wrong. But over time I grew to embrace it as a clever way to make viewers think of the real f-word without actually saying it. It’s a good safety measure because, as you know, real curse words damage children.
One thing that has always puzzled me is why we don’t see special treatment facilities to help the children who are victims of cursing. We have special hospitals for all sorts of other diseases and afflictions, but no money goes into helping the children who accidentally watch HBO.
You might wonder how dangerous it is to expose children to curse words. I have never seen a scientific study on this topic but it’s easy to calculate the danger. For example, parents let children ride bicycles on the street. But parents do not allow children to hear vulgar words. Therefore we can deduce that cursing is more dangerous than being hit by a car.
I’ve also never seen any first aid instructions for vulgarity-related injuries to children. Are you supposed to apply a tourniquet to the kid’s neck so the curse word doesn’t spread from his brain to the rest of his body? Or do you give mouth-to-ear and try to suck the vulgarity out of the toddler’s head? Or do I treat it the same way I treat all other first aid situations, i.e. flag down someone else and yell “I’ll call 911 while you administer the first aid!”
It’s all so fracking confusing.