A few years ago I was doing something called a book tour. That’s when authors go around the country and do interviews and sign books to promote their newest work. I walked into one of the biggest bookstores in the country and was greeted by the store manager. She told me that people were excited to hear my speech. Some people had been in their seats for an hour already. The room was packed, she said. They couldn’t wait to hear what I had to say.
Normally, this would be a good thing. And by “normally,” I mean if someone had told me in advance that they expected me to give a speech. I thought I was showing up just to sign books, as I had in all the other bookstores on this trip.
I tried to explain that no one had mentioned a speech. But that didn’t change the fact that the room was full of people who were expecting one. The next thing I know, I’m standing in front of the crowd, with a microphone in my hand, listening to their welcoming applause. Now all I needed was a speech.
I took the Dale Carnegie course back in my corporate days. One of the things they teach you is how to handle this exact situation. Always be mentally prepared to give a speech on a moment’s notice. Be comfortable. Have fun. Go for it.
And so I did. I’m an experienced speaker. I’ve been doing it for years. I cobbled together some anecdotes from my career, sprinkled in some funny stuff from the book, and answered questions with witty replies that seemed spontaneous but weren’t. (People always ask me the same questions.) Everything went well. I doubt anyone knew I wasn’t prepared.
I was reminded of that on Tuesday. I was standing in front of a corporate group, a few minutes into my keynote address, when the lights went out. The lights returned in a few seconds, but the power surge fried the AV equipment. My professional keynote speech, of which 75% involves showing comics and telling stories about them, was dead on arrival.
As it became clear to the assembled executives that the equipment wasn’t going to work, they looked at me with what I can only assume was a mixture of pity and “glad it’s not me.” Researchers say that public speaking is one of the great fears in life. But what if you have no speech and you’re already in front of the crowd? That’s gotta be worse. But I didn’t feel fear. I’m not wired that way. I felt amused. This was something new. I like a challenge.
The bookstore crowd had only needed ten minutes of random laughs, a few questions answered, and some books signed. They were easy. But this was a 60 minute keynote address with 50 minutes to go. I was one of the conference highlights. They were paying big bucks to have me.
“Any questions?” I asked, which got a laugh, since I had barely started my talk. A gentleman to my left raised his hand and asked the worst possible question. “What was the first newspaper to run Dilbert?”
It’s the worst type of question because the answer is short and it’s almost impossible to make it interesting. That’s when my training kicked in again. My book publisher had given me “media training” before the first time I did a book tour and interviews. One of the main things they teach you is that if you don’t like a question, or can’t answer it, simply answer some other question and the audience won’t care. Politicians do this all the time, and with them you normally DO care. But with someone like me, my only responsibility is to entertain.
I enthusiastically replied that it was a “great question” and then launched into 15 minutes of an emergency backup speech that had nothing to do with the question. Meanwhile, I watched out of the corner of my eye to see if the AV tech could quickly replace the fried equipment. He gave me the “not going to happen” signal.
In the end, I finished my talk using a hastily procured overhead projector that was probably manufactured in 1962. It projected yellow light and fly stains. If you squinted, you could make out the comic. But the audience was forgiving, and somehow it worked.
It was the most fun I’ve ever had giving a speech. I feel most alive when things go wrong, and routine gives way to emotion. With any luck, something will go wrong today too. I sure hope so.