Wouldn’t it be great to have a tail? It would come in handy for so many different household chores. For example, when I iron a shirt, I want to hold the shirt, the iron, and the electrical cord to keep it out of the way. There’s no way you can do that without a tail. That’s why I keep all of my good shirts balled up in a heap in the back of the closet. There’s no point in even trying.
That’s also why I read with great jealously the news report of the former handyman who won more than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a penile implant that gave him a 10-year erection.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/06/23/implant.wuit.ap/index.html [no longer available]
He must have been the fastest handyman ever. When I do home projects, I never have a good place to keep the roll of duct tape. I’m all “Where did I put that duct tape? Is it under the cardboard?” Not this guy. He’d have his various types of tape, coils of wire, and – depending on how lucky Mrs. Handyman was – several more items right there when he needed them.
And I can imagine him up on his ladder, needing to hammer in a nail and realizing he forgot to bring his hammer.
“Hmm, I could climb all the way down and get my hammer…or…”
Looks left. Looks right. ZIIIIIIP. BAM BAM BAM BAM.
Problem solved.
According to the article, the only downside is that it was embarrassing to hug people. If I were him, I wouldn’t do any hugging. I’d put a glove on it and keep one arm behind my back all the time. And I’d shake hands with everyone I met. You can’t tell me that would ever get old.