I had no idea how much reaction I would get from my post about regaining my voice. (It’s still 95% good.) I normally get about 25,000 hits a day on this blog. After the voice story posted, I got about 180,000 hits for each of the next two days.
I am more touched than a congressional page. And your own stories of “best days” made me weep. It’s clear that we don’t spend enough time with our happy thoughts.
I realized yesterday that I had inadvertently gotten closer to one of my long-time goals of being featured on 60 Minutes. There are several ways to accomplish that sort of goal, and not all of them are good. Here are a few ways:
Steal huge sums of money
Have inappropriate sex
Be a whistleblower
Be a major celebrity
Be severely handicapped
Overcome extreme hardship
Unfortunately I am not famous enough to qualify as a major celebrity. And my voice problem didn’t last long enough to qualify as a severe handicap. But the two factors collectively were enough to get the reporters calling me yesterday. I didn’t realize you can COMBINE categories! That’s good to know. But I still wasn’t interesting enough for 60 Minutes. No, they need more.
Apparently I’ll need to up the ante to get Ed Bradley out here. I don’t have anyone to blow the whistle on, so that’s out. And none of my hardships seem extreme enough for TV. That leaves me the options of either stealing huge sums of money or having inappropriate sex.
[As an aside, I just realized that my cat can read. She just bolted for the door.]
This time I plan to take no chances. I am going to have inappropriate sex WITH a large sum of money. I’ll probably get busy with one of those big burlap bags that has a “$” on it. It’s going to chafe, but in the end I think it will be worth it.
I can almost hear my interview:
Ed Bradley: “Is it true you hooked up with a bag of money?”
Me: “You can’t prove that.”
Ed Bradley: “You sent us a videotape filmed from three angles.”
Me: “Ed, this interview has become an extreme hardship. But you just watch me overcome it!”