People keep asking if I’m a Libertarian. Chat sites and web sites and blogs have devoted considerable time to this ultra-important question. I thought it was time to clear up things.
The answer: I haven’t really looked into it.
I have some vague idea that Libertarians are big on personal freedoms and keeping government out of their pants. My philosophy is more nuanced. I believe that all people favor what they think is in their best interest and then rationalize it with absurd philosophical arguments. Or worse, they join a “team” and agree with whatever the leader tells them.
If my philosophy had a name, it would probably be Ignorantselfishertarianism. When it comes to anything complicated, I’m too ignorant to have a useful opinion. For example:
Some Guy: Scott, do you think we should return to the gold standard?
Scott: Um…
Some Guy: Should the U.S. stay in Iraq and be bled to death or leave now and let the bad guys get a foothold from which they can better try to destroy us?
Scott: Um…
Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue. But when it comes to social questions, those are usually simple. I take sides with whatever viewpoint is good for me personally.
For example, I favor legalizing anything this is relatively victimless, especially if the alternative involves paying to keep strangers in jail while they learn how to better steal my identity when they get out.
Take smoking in public; I favor banning that because I don’t like to be around it. According to Penn and Teller – notable skeptics – there isn’t any good science proving second hand smoke hurts people. So I’ll stop using that argument. But there isn’t any science that says littering hurts you either, and I’m against that because I don’t want to look at it. Second hand smoke is like litter in my nose.
On the issue of motorcycle helmets, my first choice would be to make them mandatory, but only for people that I think deserve to be alive. Unfortunately, it would be too hard to keep the list current. So my second choice is to force all bikers to wear helmets. That would have the economic benefit of keeping the supply of tattoos artists, hit men, and crank chefs high, in case I ever wanted any of those services. BOCTAOE.
On gun control, I favor whatever laws allow me to get one easily in case I ever want to shoot someone. I figure that the person I want to shoot probably already has one. But I don’t mind having to wait a few weeks for my gun. That might be the only thing that keeps me out of jail someday.
Being an Ignorantselfishertarian isn’t as bad as it sounds. Usually what’s good for me is coincidentally good for most of the people in the world too. That’s why I call myself good people.