I was alarmed at how many people forwarded me the story of a pet camel humping his owner to death, as if this might be the sort of thing I would mirthfully blog about.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20347997/ [no longer available]
I am disgusted by all of you. There is nothing funny about this story, even if it does mention that the camel was “hand-reared.” No, my friends, you are better than that.
Anyway, did you hear about the Serb who got eaten by bears during the beer festival?
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/08/20/bear.death.reut/index.html?eref=rss_topstories# [no longer available]
The zoo director theorized that the guy was either drunk, or on drugs, or an idiot. My money is on all three. Consider your own checkered past. There’s a good chance that you’ve been drunk at one time, on drugs at one time, and even an idiot at one time. But I’ll bet you never climbed into a bear’s cage. For that sort of thing, you usually need the trifecta: drunk, stupid, and on LSD.
I say “usually” because you don’t absolutely need to be drunk, stupid and on LSD. You could also be religious. I blogged about a similar story last year, where a guy climbed into a lion’s cage and yelled something about God protecting him. That turned out to be bad luck. The guy managed to find the ONE lion that God loves more than people.
Now before you accuse me of making fun of religious people, I am not saying that every believer will allow himself to be eaten by a lion. What I’m saying is that sometimes it could be a bear.
The best part of the bear-eats-man story is that the police found several cell phones and beer cans in the bear’s cage. That leads me to believe this could be a talking bear, and he’s a repeat offender.
Bear: “Psst. Hey, buddy.”
Drunk: “Whaaaa?
Bear: “Want to party with a bear?”
Drunk: “Um, sure, I guess.”
Bear: “Bring some beer and your cell phone.”
Then the bear eats the drunk and uses his cell phone to call other talking bears and compare notes.
Bear1: “Hey, Bruno. Guess what?”
Bear2: “What?”
Bear1: “I got an iPhone!”