Have you seen the new security procedure on flights when the pilot has to use the toilet? I just watched a 5’3” 110 pound flight attendant block the galley with a beverage cart and a menacing expression. I guess that’s to slow down any hijackers.
I can imagine the hijackers planning their precision attack for two years, only to be thwarted by Connie and the beverage cart.
“Wait Akbar! They have a beverage cart! Abort! Abort!”
I have to think that even your lesser skilled terrorists – say the Shoe Bomber guy – could scale a 42” barrier and overcome a waif while simultaneously eating a sandwich and listening to an iPod. But I appreciate any attempt to keep me safe.
On the way home from my Disney cruise with the family, Grandma unwisely packed a toy pistol (Pirates of the Caribbean model) in our 6-year old’s carry-on luggage. As you might imagine, this caused a delay. So even though the toy gun was shaped like a banana and yellow and clearly plastic, the security official explained why we couldn’t take it: “People can take these souvenir guns and modify them on the plane to shoot.”
Did I mention it was plastic? And yellow? And shaped like a banana? It shoots suction darts.
I decided not to apply my world-class powers of sarcasm in this situation because I didn’t want some guy with a hairy neck to stick a gloved hand up my sphincter, grab my heart and turn me inside out. But what I would have said might have gone something like this:
Me: Are you saying people have modified toy guns to make them lethal weapons?
Security Lady: Yes. It can be done.
Me: Couldn’t you also build your own nun chucks with two cans of soda and a shoelace?
Security Lady: That would be much harder.
Me: Well, I’m no expert on modifying plastic toys into zip guns, but I have to think it would be a tie.
She gave us the option of checking the toy gun with the cargo luggage. Apparently she wasn’t worried that I would rig my electric shaver and tweezers together to form a drill then bore into the cargo hold to retrieve the lethal plastic gun. I guess they didn’t cover that in her training.
I take pride in finding opportunities in bad situations. And given the choice of losing the toy gun or being continuously shot in the head with plastic darts back home, I decided there “wasn’t time” to check another bag. My argument would have been stronger if the Disney travel package hadn’t gotten us to the airport 5 hours before our flight. I told our 6-year old that it only seemed like a long wait. And that’s why we have no intention of teaching him to tell time.