I’m traveling today and writing this post on my Blackberry while
waiting at the airport gate. I just realized that the enormous lump in my
pants was my keys. (This time anyway.) Somehow I got through the metal
detector with a wad of keys the size of a small beaver, and I apologize
for the disturbing imagery.
This raises an interesting ethical question. Should I inform security
that their metal detector is defective, thus shutting down the entire
airport while they re-screen everyone? Or should I assume that my keys are
all made of plastic?
And what if it turns out that a beaver-sized set of keys aren’t
supposed to set off the alarm? In that case, should I start packing heat when
I fly, under the theory that I might have to take down a hijacker who
got his own gun through security?
The public announcement system just told me to report any people who
“look suspicious.” This is a big category. I need clearer guidance. I
just saw an incredibly hot woman traveling with an ugly guy. That looks
suspicious. And a maintenance guy just walked by wearing one glove.
What’s he up to? Am I to believe it’s only cold on one side?
I’m going to keep an eye on him. If he makes a move I’ll take him out
with my beaverkeys.