Did you hear about the German cannibal? It sounds like the beginning of a joke but it’s not. A German guy had a lifelong fantasy of eating someone. So he ran an online ad for a volunteer. This is the funny part: A guy volunteered.
So the cannibal and the volunteer get together and they fulfill their mutual fantasies. The cannibal films the entire thing, so we know for sure that the volunteer really did volunteer.
Anyway, the cannibal recently got convicted. He got a life sentence. Interestingly, eating other people is not illegal in Germany. It’s only the killing part that is prohibited, even if the guy volunteers to be killed.
This is all a long way of saying that I spent a good deal of yesterday wondering how the following conversation would have gone if the cannibal had gotten the death sentence.
Warden: “What do you want for your last meal?”
Cannibal: “Did you save any of the guy I was trying to eat? I hardly touched him.”
Warden: “Well, yes, his body is in a freezer in the evidence room. But that would hardly be appropriate.”
Cannibal: “Why not? Cannibalism isn’t illegal. And he’s already dead.”
Warden: “Yes, but I don’t think. . .”
Cannibal: “And you know he gave me his body to eat. You saw it on the videotape. So it’s legally mine to eat.”
Warden: “Um. . . technically, I suppose that’s true.”
Cannibal: “And the condemned man gets to eat anything he wants, right?”
Warden: “Okay, okay. What do you want on the side? Maybe some broccoli?”
Cannibal: “Broccoli? Yuck!”