I like to wake up in the morning, look at the CNN headlines, and decide what world problems I can solve today. Here are my choices:
1. Gunbattle in the heart of Baghdad
2. U.S. strikes target in Somalia
3. Strange odor in New York City
I can’t do much about battles that have already happened, so I decided to tackle New York’s mystery odor problem, using nothing but my gigantic intellect and the Internet.
First, I noted that no one was dropping dead from the odor. That eliminates the possibility of terrorism, and a host of other deadly gasses.
The smell covered lots of territory, so the source had to be likewise big. The obvious suspect – the gas company – didn’t think it was them. And no one noticed any overturned trucks or exploding buildings. Nor was the smell obviously stronger in one particular place. This called for some out-of-box thinking.
So I Googled the Jacob J. Javits Convention Center to see which groups are in town. Sure enough, the National Legume Growers Association is having its annual convention. 26,000 attendees spent the day sampling beans, and then dispersed to unload their mystery gas in elevators, hotel lobbies, and cabs all across midtown Manhattan.
Many of the new bean types on display at the show are genetically modified. That means thousands of booth babes are tooting odors that this world has never known. No wonder it was a mystery. At least until I got involved.
Okay, okay, there is no such thing as the National Legume Growers Association. But there’s probably something like it. And you know they have conventions. So if they haven’t yet caused a mystery cloud of gas, it’s only a matter of time and ventilation.
I wonder if I still have time to solve that Somalia thing.
And if you didn’t like this post, you might be interested in this article in New Scientist about your favorite topic – the non-existence of free will:
http://www.newscientist.com/channel/fundamentals/mg19025504.000