I was reading an article about the little hobbit-like creatures discovered in Indonesia. I couldn’t help notice that the article uses the abbreviation “H. Erectus” instead of the full name Homo Erectus. This is presumably to prevent jokes about why we don’t see any of them around these days.
http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/stories/s1230409.htm
I’m crossing my fingers that someday scientists will discover one of these hobbit carcasses encased in amber or whatever-the-hell would allow us to snatch some DNA and clone them. Since they aren’t human, I think cloning would be legal. And although they have heads the size of grapefruits, scientists believe they were smart enough to use tools and hunt tiny elephants. That spells one thing: Hobbit butlers.
I want to be able to order a hobbit butler from a magazine and have it delivered in a box with air holes. My hobbit butler would always wear a tiny tuxedo, mostly for the cuteness. I’d call him Max, because of the irony factor, since he would be so tiny.
Max wouldn’t be bright enough to install a new computer network, or big enough to drive a car, so his utility would be limited. But he’d be perfect for playing ring toss. I’d have him stand at attention on the other side of the room and train him to yell funny things when I got a ring over him, such as “You are the best ring tosser of all times, you magnificent and gigantic bastard!” Best of all, he could pick up the rings and bring them back. If you think I would ever get tired of that, you don’t know me.
For Halloween, I’d get Max a winged monkey costume and dress up as the Wicked Witch. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t win some sort of prize. And I’d make him knock on doors and get candy. He’d clean up.
I might also get a dog so Max could ride it like a horse. When I wanted a Diet Coke from the fridge, Max would ride the dog to the kitchen and get it. Would I ever get tired of that? Not likely.
I’d never have to find the remote control again, because I would use Velcro to attach it to Max’s head. When I wanted to watch TV, I would just whistle and he’d run over and face the TV.
I’m sure there are more uses for a hobbit butler, but none come to mind. What would YOU do with a three-foot tall Homo?