I get a lot of Dilbert suggestions by e-mail. Many of them are allegedly based on real events. Sometimes I think the alleged real events are not so real. Here’s one that is so bizarre that it has to be genuine:
— Begin e-mail —
“About 4,000 nerds go to Barcelona every year to drool all over Microsoft’s new products. What I saw there last week during one presentation surpassed anything Wally has ever done.
“One nerd clearly wasn’t interested in what the guy from Microsoft was saying. So this guy was bored, and started fidgeting. Somewhere along the line he noticed he had forgotten to shave that morning. This was no problem because he could fix that right away: He reached in his pocket and got out… A NAIL CLIPPER.
“Yep, this guy started “SHAVING” himself using only a NAIL CLIPPER.
“Apart from the visual effect (he had to stretch up his face with his hand to avoid injury) the “audio” of the clipping was great too…
“He kept this up for 45 minutes.”
— End e-mail —
This e-mail made me wonder about other ways a speaker can determine that he does not have the full attention of his audience. I think you can conclude it’s time to end your presentation if anyone in the audience is…
1. Giving himself a sponge bath with saliva and a balled-up piece of paper
2. Turning a long sleeved shirt into a vest by removing the threads that hold the arms on
3. Pretending to be a mime in a glass box
4. Engaging in any form of self-gratification
5. Creating prison themed origami
Do you have any more?