There are plenty of laws against activities for no reason other than those activities
are annoying. For example, you can’t make too much noise and bother
your neighbors late at night, you can’t litter, and you can’t walk
around naked in public. These are good laws but we should add some more.
I propose making it illegal to give your baby an inconvenient name.
At the top of the list would be Christine and Christina. No one can be
expected to keep all the various Christini straight. Parents (perps)
are dooming these Christin(x) to a life of correcting and explaining. .
My usual strategy with the various Christini is to emphasize the first syllable
with confidence and then trail off to a mumble and quickly change the
topic.
Example:
Me: Hi Christi(mumble), look out for that mountain lion behind you!
Just kidding!
Oh crap — now I am at the Dallas airport and Elmer Fudd just sat next
to me. He is making some sort of a mouth sound that might be slurping a
toothpick or sucking on an indestructible seed of some sort. It’s
rhythmic and makes me want to kill him with my beaverkeys. This too should
be illegal. Not the beaverkey part, just the noise.