Since I know some of you will whine about seeing another Basic Instructions post (below), I give you this bonus post.
I’m a big fan of creative cussing. When I was a kid, in Windham NY, one of the older boys invented this friendly threat:
“Don’t make me drag you around on the crushed stones until your bung hole smokes.”
It became an instant classic.
I’ve since invented (I think) a few cuss phrases of my own, spontaneously. They make no sense, and that’s exactly what I like about them. The first is used when you see or hear something that is both bad and unlikely:
“Christ on a cracker!”
See? It makes no sense, but rolls off the tongue like it does. Feel free to use it.
My other invention is one I use when I experience unusual bad luck. It likewise makes no sense, in the best possible way. It goes like this:
“Fuck me with a saw!”
Now it’s your turn. Do you have any good cussing inventions to share?