One of my hobbies is reading the rave reviews printed on DVD packages and trying to figure out which ones are not credible. I’m getting good at it. Here are some surefire ways to know a movie review is less than credible.
1. The only rave review on the package is from a news channel owned by the parent company of the film studio.
2. The only rave review is from a famous film critic who seems to consistently love the worst movies.
3. The only rave review is from a publication that you’ve never seen on any magazine rack.
(Please don’t make any slanderous comments to this post or I have to delete it for insurance reasons.)
The thing that annoys me is not the blatant ripping off of the public, but the fact that I’m not getting in on this action. So I thought I would review some movies and maybe get the payola heading in my direction. I’ll start off with honest opinions, but let me just say that if Rocky VI needs a little boost down the road, I can be had.
Here now, from my personal DVD collection, my reviews from 1 to 10, where 10 is the best and anything above 6.5 is probably worth a look. My reviews completely ignore the “quality” of the movie and focus instead on “how much I enjoyed it.” So for example, Kill Bill is allegedly well made, but I couldn’t get through the violence.
I realize this blog entry is not funny, but if you ever thought it was, you’ll probably enjoy the same movies that I thought were funny. That’s worth something.
My Movie Reviews
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Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (10)
Mulholland Dr. (10) – but only for freaks like me
Million Dollar Baby (9)
Napoleon Dynamite (9) – Not everyone’s kind of humor, but worked for me
Big Fish (9)
Garden State (8.5)
Star Wars – Revenge of the Sith (8)
The Incredibles (8)
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle (8) – Not for kids
Robots (8) – for watching with kids
Elf (7.5)
Starsky and Hutch (7.5)
Troy (7.5) Finding Neverland (7.5)
The Upside of Anger (7.5)
Madagascar (7) – for watching with kids
Kicking and Screaming (7) – for watching with kids who play soccer
Mean Girls (7)
Ray (7)
Meet the Fockers (7)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (7)
Collateral (7) Any Given Sunday (7)
The Clearing (7)
Shall We Dance (7)
Friday Night Lights (7)
The Big Bounce (6.5)
National Treasure (6.5)
Hellboy (6.5)
Blade II (6.5)
Confidence (6.5)
The Forgotten (6.5)
The Manchurian Candidate (6.5)
Welcome to Mooseport (6.5)
The Stepford Wives (6.5)
Intolerable Cruelty (6.5)
Mona Lisa Smile (6.5)
I, Robot (6)
The Terminal (6)
War of the Worlds (6)
I (heart) Huckabees (6)
Hostage (6)
Hidalgo (5)
Hitch (5)
Assault on Precinct 13 (4)
House of Flying Daggers (4)
Kung Fu Hustle (3)
The Chronicles of Riddick (3)
Pollack (3)
State of the Union (3)
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (3)
Before Sunset (1)
Kill Bill volume 1 (0)
Not Yet Available on DVD
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The Wedding Crashers (10)
The 40 Year Old Virgin (9)
The Polar Express (in IMAX) (9) – The 3D is amazing
Shop Girl (8)