There are many fascinating mysteries in this universe. I choose to ignore all of them and instead focus my sense of wonder on the following question: Why do female real estate agents have bizarre hairstyles?
You know what I’m talking about: poofy, disturbingly large, a death rattle from the sixties. If you were to see photos of these hairstyles while asked to do free association you might say, “Liberace…Montana…mushroom cloud… Kaiser Wilhelm.”
Real estate agents put their photographs on advertisements and even on their business cards. I assume this practice started years ago when hot women entered the profession and needed a marketing advantage. This advantage turned out much better than they hoped because ugly Realtors™ jumped on the bandwagon and started publishing their own pictures. Now a prospective client doesn’t need to choose between the adorable and the unknown. He can choose between the adorable and Quasimodo. That removes all of the ambiguity.
I’ve been photographed about a trillion times since I started Dilbert. And I can tell you with authority that the only difference between Larry King and Hillary Duff is distance and lighting. And STILL most Realtors look unattractive in their photos. If you see a Realtor’s photo and she looks less than stunning, chances are that in person she would make Stevie Wonder barf just from listening to her perspire.
If I were to sell real estate, I would use my ugliness to my advantage. No one trusts beautiful people anyway, especially when large sums of money are involved. My real estate motto would be “I’m hideous and I haven’t starved to death yet, so you know I must be good!”