Predicting the Next President

Usually it’s obvious who is going to be the next president of the United States. First, the media decides for us who will be the nominees for each party. Then the voters elect the one who makes the most outrageous promises. That’s called leadership, and we like it.

This next election will be interesting. Most of the likely suspects are totally unelectable.

Hilary Clinton – Too divisive

John McCain – Too ugly

Colin Powell – Too smart to run

Al Gore – Too charisma challenged

Jeb Bush – Too soon

Joseph Lieberman – Too whiney sounding

Wesley Clark – Too tiny looking on TV

Howard Dean – Too crazy

John Edwards – Too goofy

Almost everyone else is too lightweight and/or too unknown. That leaves us with one candidate that can win: Joseph Biden.

Who?

He’s a tough-talking Democrat with plenty of senate experience. But the only thing that matters is the tough-talking Democrat part. He tough-talks better than anyone I’ve seen. He appears genuinely angry about the state of things, not just pretending or crazy like other candidates. It’s fun to watch. The media will adopt him soon, just because he’s more interesting than the others. I can’t decide if he’s honest or just an exceptional bullshitter. Either way, it makes him attractive at a time when so many people think the government is out to screw them.

His biggest problem is that his hair isn’t quite up to presidential standards. But it looks passable on TV and in photos. That might be good enough.

I’m not recommending that you vote for Biden. I don’t know much about him. I’m not even planning to vote. I’m just predicting that he’ll win.

Who do YOU think will be the next president?

Update:

Mitt Romney – Too Mormon

Mark Warner – Too inexperienced (no International experience)

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