I just saw in the news that Shiite Muslims in Iraq are engaging in a practice called mutaa, or “temporary marriage,” for the purpose of sex. A Shiite man can have more than one wife, so whether he is married or single, if he wants to buy some sex, he arranges a secret and temporary marriage. It could last for a few hours or a few years. Some Shiites believe it’s all sanctioned by Islamic law. Among its many benefits, it is seen as a humane way to care for widows. I think it’s obvious that God would support this concept. I can’t think of a more humane way to take care of a widow than to turn her into a whore.
These temporary marriages were illegal under Saddam Hussein, or as I prefer to call him “the last nice guy in Iraq.”
According to the Washington Post story, a temporary wife only costs $4 per month plus living expenses. I hesitate to mention this because I know that some of my frugal male readers are already considering converting to Islam and moving to Iraq: “On one hand, there’s an 80% chance of being killed within a week. On the other hand, those are VERY reasonable prices.”
I wonder what would happen in America if a Shiite got himself a temporary wife and defended it on religious grounds. We have religious freedom here. And by that I mean that you are free to do whatever is legal for a protestant, even if you wear a bathrobe in public and rename God. So, for example, you can refer to God as Allah or Larry, and no one will put you in jail. But if the widow downstairs starts charging you to sodomize her, you both have some explaining to do about your religion.
I’ve been told that in Muslim cultures you use one hand for eating and one hand for wiping your ass. By my count, that leaves no acceptable hand for masturbation. That’s why you might think you need a temporary wife whore – preferably one with three hands.
Okay, maybe I went too far.