Tag: Current Affairs

According to the news, former FEMA head Michael Brown is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm. Readers of Dilbert could have predicted this. If you’re infamous for being slow to act, your best bet is a job that bills by the hour. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he…

I just read that President Bush is the first SITTING American President to visit Mongolia. I think I know why. I’ve never been to Mongolia, but when I imagine it, there are rarely chairs. I imagine rugged terrain, livestock, and festive outfits that, if they were smaller, would look terrific…

I spend a lot of time thinking about new ways to torture terrorists. It’s like a hobby. The objective is to think up a form of torture that’s effective but doesn’t sound so bad when the rest of the world finds out you did it.  It occurred to me recently…

Well, it’s official. A jury decided that actor Robert Blake “kinda killed” his wife and ordered him to pay the family 30 million dollars. This is eight months after another jury decided that he “didn’t definitely kill” his wife and so the state shouldn’t “probably kill blake” in return. Blake…

I’m sick of all the stereotypes found in the news. Maybe you heard the story about the four suicide bombers who planned an attack in Jordan. The three males killed mostly other Muslims. Obviously the men were looking for Israel and refused to stop and ask for directions. And the…

Many of your comments suggest that there are plenty of credible scientists on the topic of Intelligent Design and evolution. Some people asked who I would consider credible. Let me point out, by way of background, that all of the intelligence agencies of every major country believed Iraq had weapons…

Oh man, oh man. I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed stirring up $#!T until I wrote about evolution and Intelligent Design. Many of your comments are fascinating, but the good stuff came in direct e-mails to me. I think my inbox actually burst into flames a few times. As…

Wow. A lot of people read my blog entry on Intelligent Design and interpreted it to mean I believe it. I guess the part where I say I don’t believe it wasn’t sufficiently clear. That’s why I don’t like to leave my office.

I know there’s something wrong with me because I worry about all the wrong things. For example, I spend a lot of time worrying about the shielding on my microwave oven. Whenever I stand within ten feet of it, I’m sure I feel my spleen heating up. And when the…

Behold the winners of the 2005 Weasel Poll on http://dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/shop/html/weasel_poll_results_2005.html [no longer available] As you’ll see, Democrats can’t seem to win ANYTHING – not even the Weasel Poll. Thanks to a substantial block of non-US voters who are not fans of the American Way, the results are a sweep for all…

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of celebrities who have two trials for every one alleged homicide or molestation. First there’s the criminal trial, where the jury inevitably acquits him because of the high burden of reasonable doubt. Then there’s the civil trial and its lower burden of proof where the families of…

Well, it’s official: I’m afraid of birds. I was already afraid of sunshine, under the theory that a day without sunshine is like a day without melanoma. And I’m uneasy around those plastic things that hold six-packs together, always worried I might get my head stuck in one. I’m afraid…

I spend way too much time thinking of excellent crimes I could commit if I were a crime committing sort of person. Every time I read about hurricane-related looting, I wonder about the best way to do it. I think I’d get myself a looting boat, stocked with a bunch…

Every now and then I meet someone who prefers to avoid all sources of news. People say it’s an excellent strategy for a stress-free life. But it’s not for me. I’m a news-junky. In a typical week I watch about 9,000 people get whacked by all sorts of newsworthy tragedies….

It’s that time again! The nominees for biggest weasels of 2005 are posted on www.dilbert.com [no longer available]. Vote now. It’s your chance to embarrass the weasels who most annoyed you during the past year. At first glance, there seems to be an imbalance of Republicans on the list. That’s because…