Tag: General nonsense

One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It’s a wonderful feeling. That’s why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn’t easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can’t always duck. For…

There’s a funky little spider in Brazil. Its venom gives male victims hours-long erections. How cool is that? http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,269455,00.html Apparently the spider’s venom doesn’t kill. It just causes pain and gives guys major erections. In other words: best. . . practical. . . joke. . . ever. I wonder if…

In the news, a groom in India showed up drunk, so the villagers chased him away and replaced him with his “more sober” little brother. Problem solved. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18389704/ [no longer available] This is the sort of news that desperately needs some pictures. Otherwise you can’t tell who won. For example,…

Have you heard of an online service for kids called Webkinz? It’s like a cross between cocaine and puppies. Kids can’t resist it. It’s frickin’ brilliant. Before you use the Webkinz service, you have to buy a stuffed animal that comes with a code. You use that code to activate…

Suppose there was a hit song that caused 80% of its listeners kill themselves. Should that song be banned, or would you argue that free speech is more important? I think most people would take the practical approach. We already have some minor constraints on free speech. You can’t yell…

I’ve often noted that all of the world’s problems are caused by people who apparently enjoy making other people miserable. I know it sounds like one of those cynical observations I often make for humorous purposes, but I mean it literally. There’s no other explanation for why people put so…

This week in the Dilbert comic, Alice discovers she has a bad case of chair butt. United Media, the company that syndicates Dilbert, rejected the first version I submitted. It looked like this: [image missing] My editors thought the pose looked too provocative. They requested I redraw Alice in less…

Scientists discovered a planet 20.5 light years from here that seems to have the right stuff for sustaining life. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18293978/ [no longer available] The scientists named the planet Gliese 581 C, evidently to showcase the reason scientists can’t get laid. Science fiction writers all over the Earth are muttering, “Fuck…

Something has been bothering me about the Don Imus controversy. On the surface, it’s a case where a mistake was made, and after that, everyone involved eventually did the right thing. – People communicated their feelings in appropriate ways. – Imus eventually acknowledged his mistake and apologized. – Sponsors withdrew…

Imagine you could make fuel out of poor people. The only downside is that the poor people have to be converted to a combustible liquid in the process. Imagine that although there are many alternatives to using poor people as fuel, those alternatives cost way more. In fact, the alternatives…

People think art is subjective. Sometimes you hear opinions such as this: “Those Harry Potter books suck.” Logically, if you don’t personally like Harry Potter books, knowing full well that a quarter of a BILLION people do, it’s an indication that you might be abnormal, and not necessarily in a…

Yes, today’s Dilbert comic (Saturday) is a repeat. Here’s the scoop. I submit my comics a month or so in advance, then forget about them. Yesterday I got a call from my syndication company, United Media, alerting me that the comic scheduled for today makes a casual reference to serial…

It’s common knowledge that all major government decisions in the United States are made via a process that Thomas Jefferson described in the constitution as “lobbyists bribing weasels.” Voters attempt to solve this problem by electing the weasels who do the best job lying about their intentions to change the…

Did you see the story about the Sudanese man who was caught having sex with a goat? The council of elders forced him to marry the goat as his punishment. Apparently, man and goat are living happily ever after, except for the goat, who is still getting cornholed by a…

Recently I blogged that copyright violations are analogous to borrowing your neighbor’s underpants without asking, then laundering and returning them before he returns home. I was immediately attacked for my analogy. Critics said my borrowed underpants analogy was flawed for several reasons: 1. Unlike copyrighted material, underpants are physical objects….