Tag: General nonsense

Does your computer freeze up just because it was sitting there unused for a few hours? Every computer I’ve owned has acquired that habit after about two years. I’ve owned about 15 computers in my life, including work and home, so I’m fairly sure it’s not because I’m doing the…

I am appalled at the low quality of spam lately. If someone is trying to scam me, I expect him to put some effort into it. Here are a few of the subject lines that ended up in my spam folder today: Re: it see to amiss Re: Damiana one…

For our wedding reception, as recent traditional demands, we put disposable cameras at every table. People told us that those pictures would be some of our most interesting ones. They were right. But apparently there is another tradition that goes along with this one: The mystery tit. We developed the…

According to the New York Times, Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, the leader of Hezbollah, appeared on television to declare that Hezbollah had won “…a strategic and historic victory.” Meanwhile, Israel is claiming they achieved their goal of degrading Hezbollah and putting the U.N. peacekeepers and Lebanese army in control of Southern…

As a smallish person, I often feel cheated. My money is subsidizing a lot of big people and I don’t like it. For example, I pay the same price at the all-you-can-eat buffet as the guy who brings his own wheelbarrow. For all practical purposes, I’m buying that guy’s lunch….

Have you seen the new security procedure on flights when the pilot has to use the toilet? I just watched a 5’3” 110 pound flight attendant block the galley with a beverage cart and a menacing expression. I guess that’s to slow down any hijackers. I can imagine the hijackers…

I’m back on the road today – this time to Pittsburgh where I will give a mirthful keynote address to a darkened room full of strangers. Pittsburgh has many wonderful tourist attractions and natural wonders. For example, there’s the Pittsburgh Museum of Things That Other Museums Didn’t Want, the Festival…

I’m not experienced at parenting. Sometimes it shows. Recently I offered to buy a video game for my newly acquired 6-year old son. There was no particular reason for the gift except that I was going to Best Buy for something else and wanted to give him a reason to…

I had my familymoon last week. That’s like a honeymoon, but in our case included our two kids (6 and 9) plus two sets of grandparents. Our brilliant plan was to enroll the kids in the spectacular child activity centers offered on the Disney Magic cruise ship to the Western…

Well, I am returning from my familymoon where — much to my surprise — I did not have ready access to the Internet in the middle of the ocean. It was barbaric, yet warm and often tasty. (Specifically, it was a Disney Cruise to the Western Caribbean with my family.)…

My goal in life is to be carried. My thinking is that you’re not really successful if you have to do your own walking. I want to be so important that other people are willing to carry me from room to room, even down the street. And I don’t mean…

Well, it’s wedding day. I’ll be married in about 11 hours. This wedding has taken more planning than the invasion of Iraq. And yet there is still one guaranteed failure built into the plan: the first dance. I’ve been taking dancing lessons for the past several months to prepare for…

I’m in full-out pre-wedding mode. And that means multi-tasking no matter how much I’d prefer to avoid it. For example, at about 1 am this morning I cleaned the cat box but didn’t have time to take the neatly bundled bag of poop all the way to the garage. It…

I’m sitting at the Oakland airport. The airline claims my flight will be delayed one hour, but I know that’s only the opening bid. I’m suspicious of round numbers. If they said the flight was going to be 47 minutes late, I’d think they had a good handle on things….

It’s time to see how the Dilbert Portfolio is doing. Recall that this is the portfolio chosen from the opinions you left on this blog. Result: -17% so far.                Shares   Current       Value        Cost        Change ADM           500 …