Tag: General nonsense

So far I’ve taught you how to dance, how to be funny, and how to seem less boring to other people. Today I will teach you the most important rule about getting along with your mate. The biggest relationship mistake you can make is to assume that because you have…

Yesterday I got a massage at a hotel spa. As I was disrobing I noticed a big bottle of massage oil sitting near the sink. It was labeled “Nut Oil.” My first thought was “Gee, they have a different type of oil for every body part.” My second thought was…

Thank you all for the time you spent going through the submissions for Unfit. Your comments are hugely helpful. The next step will be for Mike Belkin to narrow down the submissions to the top ten (maybe fewer) and ask for comments again. This isn’t an election per se, except…

Earlier this month I told you that Mike Belkin was looking for an artist to take over the drawing of his syndicated comic strip Unfit. More than 80 people submitted samples. I’m amazed at the level of talent. I was expecting most of the submissions to come from toddlers and…

Yesterday I learned how to know which one of the wall outlets is controlled by the switch. The controlled outlet is installed upside down, and only one of the two plug holes is controlled. At least that’s true on new construction where I live. BOCTAOE. This is the sort of…

I’m often in my own little world. Usually no one can tell. One of the ways I give myself away is that I respond to what I assume people should be saying instead of what they actually say. The FedEx guy just delivered a package. When I answered the door…

When you’re a big-time cartoonist and blogger, getting criticized a hundred times a day is part of the package. Luckily I’m blessed with an unnatural level of tolerance for criticism. Often the criticisms are well thought and entirely accurate, and my reaction is “Yup, you nailed me.” That happens about…

I used to be incensed over the fact that celebrities could literally kill people, then go to court and get away with murder. Then I became a minor celebrity and my opinion started to change. I’m not famous enough to get away with premeditated murder, but it’s my ultimate goal….

In my last post I asked you to comment on my friend’s sexist theory that men generally talk about positive things and women generally talk about negative things. Based on your comments, I conclude that the aforementioned generality doesn’t hold. Many men are huge complainers too. The exception seems to…

A friend shared with me an observation that I thought was provocative enough to get you all riled up. He says that when men tell a story about how their day went, it’s usually focused on something good that happened. When women tell a story about their day, it’s usually…

Have you ever marveled at how many things you believe without evidence? It turns out to be most things. I rarely have time to consult the peer reviewed scientific literature before doing something such as, for example, shaving and whistling at the same time. I’ve never seen any evidence that…

People often ask me to help them get out of various jams. This is owing to several factors: a) I publish my e-mail address and, b) I have an underground fortress filled with cash that’s rotting from disuse. Or so people assume. Philosophically, I think people should help each other…

According to the Internet, I have become a prolific coiner of phrases. You can do a Google search on any of these gems and get all kinds of hits. The Dilbert PrincipleDilbertianCatbertPHBRat DanceFrooglepoopillionElbonianInduhvidual And more recently in this Blog, BOCTAOE and YSLE. If you haven’t been paying attention, those mean…

Are you an excellent artist who is willing to work for practically nothing just to get some attention? Then I have a deal for you. The syndicated comic strip Unfit is looking for someone to take over the artwork. If you’ve seen the strip, you know it’s a great concept…