Have you ever noticed that the heads of state that oppose the United States are always crazy?
Take the Iranian President Ahmadinejad for example. He believes 9/11 might have been orchestrated by the U.S. government. That makes him either certifiable crazy or possibly French.
Ahmadinajad also believes that if he dies a martyr he will go to paradise and have lots of virgins. We know that’s crazy because President Bush is NOT crazy and President Bush knows that when the rapture happens our fillings and corrective lenses and earrings will fall on the ground and our physical bodies will rise up to heaven to live forever. Once in heaven, according to a poll I saw recently, 60% of Americans believe they will be issued harps. No joke. Actual harps. I don’t know if crazy Iranian Presidents get harps, but I’m thinking not, since not even an angel wants to hear a crazy guy play the harp.
Ahmadinajad questions whether the holocaust ever happened. That would make him a person who trusts the education system in his own country, and we know how crazy that is, unless you live in America. Americans learn true history as opposed to the crap they learn “over there.” That’s how I know that Squanto the Native American taught the Pilgrims how to grow corn by putting a dead fish in the hole with every seed. I’ll bet the Iranian university system never even mentions that story.
Ahmadinajad also wants the nation of Israel to be eliminated. That’s clearly crazy. Worse yet, about 500 million Muslims have the same crazy idea. That’s a lot of mental health issues. I hope an American pharmaceutical company is already working on a pill to fix that shit because exercise and vitamins won’t be enough.
Ahmadinajad also believes that his views can’t get a fair hearing because Israel has a stranglehold on the media and controls public thought in the West. As a member of the media I can assure you that the only reason we side with Israel is because every single thing that Israel does is right and every single thing their enemies do is wrong. Israel good, enemies bad. It’s really that simple. (Please don’t cancel my contracts!)
Now, since I know from the comments that many of my readers are – inexplicably – also troglodytes, allow me to include a disclaimer here. I’m way more hawkish than you are. It just doesn’t look that way because my thinking is that if a bully punches you, you should run away. Later, when he’s asleep, put a bullet in his head and leave the gun in his little brother’s crib so it looks like a sibling squabble. In other words (again, for the troglodytes) being tough doesn’t require being stupid. It’s totally optional.
I’m not pro-Iranian or anti-American. I’d pave the rest of the world to save my American cat. The only thing I oppose is muddy thinking. If we need to send Americans into harm’s way, I want reasons and I want a full discussion of the options. Excuuuse the fuck out of me for asking for them.