My good friend Marsha used to have the best birthday date ever. It was the sort of date you could easily remember because it’s the number you dial in America when you are calling for emergency services: 9/11. Unfortunately for Marsha, her birthday got ruined by pesky terrorists.
Today is my birthday, and the first thing I always do on this day is check the headlines to see if anyone ruined my calendar date. But no! The news is that the Americans just dropped a bomb on al-Zarqawi, the head of Al-Qaida in Iraq.
This is a classic yet rare win-win-win-win scenario. The new Iraqi government is happy because he’s dead. The Americans are happy because he’s dead. Even his friends and coworkers are happy. Al-Qaida issued a statement saying, “We want to give you the joyous news of the martyrdom of the mujahed sheik Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. The death of our leaders is life for us. It will only increase our persistence in continuing holy war so that the word of God will be supreme.”
And best of all, according to his religion, he’s in paradise deflowering virgins as we speak. I believe get gets 72 of them, and by my calculation he’s already worked his way through 7 or 8, depending on how much paperwork there is in the afterlife before you can get busy.
I’m also happy for the pilot or drone operator that dropped the bomb on him. That guy has a story to tell. “You know that al-Zarqawi terrorist guy? I killed him on Scott Adams’ birthday.”
Call me corny, but when I blow out the candle on my cupcake today, I’ll wish for the sort of day where absolutely everyone gets just what they want. Then I’ll realize it already happened, so I’ll quickly change my wish to a pony. There’s no point in wasting a wish.