It has come to my attention that many of your ancestors were pedophiles. They probably didn’t know it, since marrying 15-year old girls was considered “normal” by those perverts. And I’m sure they had excuses such as the fact that the life expectancy was 17. So maybe they rationalized it by saying they had to start pinching out new farm hands before the plague got them. Blah, blah, blah. But that’s no excuse for being a pedophile.
I also have it on good authority that your ancestors from several thousand years ago rarely washed their hands with soap after pooping in the desert, or forest, or igloo, whatever. You come from a long line of unhygienic child molesters.
If you follow your repulsive blood line far enough back, you will find that your ancestors were atheists at best, but more likely worshippers of phalluses.
That’s right: You are the genetic fruit of unhygienic, penis-worshipping, child molesters.
And they couldn’t read – those illiterate, unhygienic, penis-worshipping, child molesters.
Keep going back in time and there’s a virtual guarantee that somewhere a cousin married a cousin, or a brother married a sister. Statistically speaking, you’re probably an inbred spawn of illiterate, unhygienic, penis-worshipping child molesters.
It makes you wonder what dumb-ass things we’re doing now that our descendants will find humorously repulsive. I think they’ll get a kick out of the fact that about a billion people thought God carved ten commandments on stone tablets and somehow the tablets got misplaced. I’d like to know how that conversation went between Moses and Mrs. Moses.
Moses: “Honey, have you seen my stone tablets from God?”
Mrs. Moses: “They didn’t match the carpets so I threw them out.”
Moses: “WHAT??? THOSE CAME DIRECTLY FROM GOD!!!!”
Mrs. Moses: “Sure they did, you daffy bastard.”